(I’ll just be here, shaking by myself in a corner, repeating that line until I die. Note to the girl: Why have you listened to this much of the song and not heeded his advice yet? Seriously, RUN! Why are you still here? I’d offer to let you play it yourself, but the violin was made in the late ‘80s and would be way too old for you now. This is me playing “My Heart Bleeds For You” on a violin. We’re all so sad that you wanted to sleep with an underage girl and now you can’t, Gary. You know how she always biked to your place because she said she was “into fitness,” even when it was raining? She can’t drive a car, Gary. She’s not at fault here, you lecher! This is not her bad! You know how she always made an awkward joke whenever someone asked to see her license at a bar? That should have been your first hint. Right now we’re reaching peak-horrifying levels, because Gary is blaming a girl who might be, like…gah, as young as 14?…for fooling him. Maybe you wanted to fool yourself, but deep down you knew what was up. More to the point, Gary, I see you’re starting to make excuses for yourself. Really, though, what’s up? Does this girl fake hot flashes and constantly reference Keith Richards? Does she do water aerobics on Saturdays and drive a minivan? Does she drink white wine and talk about Oprah too much? Does she keep a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey hidden under couch for when she gets lonely? I BET SHE DOES NONE OF THOSE THINGS. I take my conceptions of 50-year-old women almost exclusively from a combination of Molly Shannon’s “ I’m 50!” and “ Joyologist” sketches. Does she wear a bunch of jangly bracelets and a huge belt like a woman in her 50s? Does she pull her sweatpants too high and own a leopard-print purse? Are those unfair stereotypes of a woman in her 50s? If so, my bad. The readers are uncomfortable! Tell me she’s at least over 18 years of age, Gary. GARY, HOW YOUNG IS THIS GIRL, DUDE?! We’re only five lines in, and you’re freaking everyone out. Wait, what?! Why does she have to run? Are you going to chase her? Is there a threat of violence here? Is this like in The Shining when Jack realized he was about to go nuts and told Danny to get the hell out before the madness hit? Is this a REDRUM situation, Gary? Why aren’t you answering me?! Why is your love “out of line,” Gary? I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask you a question: Exactly how young is this girl? Please answer soon, Gary, or I won’t be able to enjoy your song anymore. Okay, now I’m starting to get a little concerned. (Long pause.) Sorry, I think I brought some of my own baggage into play just now. There’s nothing more inspiring than old people still pursuing love after a lifetime of bitterness, pain, regret, and GETTING SCREWED BY THE MAN. He could be 90 years old and she could be 70. But let’s give him the benefit of the doubt, right? The word “young’ here could mean anything. There’s a girl in his mind, she’s young, maybe he’s in love with her. His lyrics are in bold, my commentary follows: I want my horror, and yours, to be raw and unfiltered. As always, I won’t be looking for real-life context or explanations until after the song has been thoroughly analyzed. Okay, Gary Puckett and The Union Gap, let’s see what you’ve got. And of course, please check out our previous installments at the end of this post if you’re craving more lyric-induced terror. If you’d like to join the fun, you can send your favorite horrifying song to. Because let’s be honest: The “young girl” theme is a potential minefield in terms of sheer disturbance factor. ![]() The only lyric I really remembered, off the top of my head, was, “Young girl, get out of my mind,” but the title immediately raised an eyebrow. The song, which has over two million hits on YouTube despite being released in 1968 (which I believe predates the site), is undoubtedly familiar to any fan of ‘60s music. ![]() Reid Butler, friend of Paste and lyrical watchdog, sends in the oldies hit “Young Girl” by Gary Puckett and The Union Gap. For the first time ever, we’re using a reader submission! Hooray! The democracy works! Get excited everyone, because today is a big day in “Secretly Horrifying Song Lyrics” history.
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